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The Sex You Want: 

A Shameless Journey to Deep Intimacy, Honest Pleasure, and a Life You Love

You Deserve Great Sex

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When it comes to relationships, our society has plenty of expectations. We're supposed to know how to speak up for ourselves in bed, be caring partners, and, of course, love ourselves first. But no one tells us how to actually do all those things, and we are left feeling unsatisfied, confused, and ashamed when we don't measure up.

Former Deputy District Attorney Rena Martine was in that position. After rejecting the ideal white-picket fence life, she embarked on a journey to redefine intimacy in a way that felt true. In the years that followed, Rena defied all of society's sexual norms, built a presence as a global women's intimacy coach, and created the intimate life she craved.

Now she brings those experiences to you! With no-holds-barred honesty, stories from real-life women, and sparkling humor, THE SEX YOU WANT will help you:

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  • Build a secure relationship with your most important partner―YOURSELF

  • Get in touch with YOUR expectations for relationships so you can date more intentionally

  • Demystify lifestyle practices outside of the heterosexual-monogamous-vanilla box with frank discussions of female sexual fluidity, kink, and ethical non-monogamy

  • Find apps, products, and communities to satisfy any curiosity

  • Bring deep intimacy and exciting variety into your bedroom and beyond

When it comes to intimacy, vulnerability, and connection, you'll find that no two women are alike. THE SEX YOU WANT replaces cookie-cutter advice with powerful self-discovery tools to help you make friends with your own confidence and curiosity, build rock-solid relationships, and embrace what YOU love!



praise for The Sex You Want

“There is no hope for great sex (or a great life, actually) when we are filled with shame. Rena Martine has written a gorgeous, pink-carpeted pathway out of the shame, guilt, and self-doubt that restricts and shuts down our aliveness. Open these pages and step into the expansion you have longed for!” 

Regena (Mama Gena) Thomashauer, New York Times best-selling author of Pussy: A Reclamation, founder of The School of Womanly Arts


"The best sex you can possibly have starts with authenticity, and Rena Martine proves it. The Sex You Want includes hands-on practices to rinse out any shame you've got about sex, and replaces it with a life that reflects the sexual person you already are."

Emily Morse, Founder + Host of Sex With Emily 


“Using her own personal experience and the stories of her countless coaching clients, Rena Martine provides an authentic, accessible, and reassuring roadmap to help free you from sexual shame.  Wherever you are in the journey of embracing a pleasurable and shame-free sexual style that works for you, this book will guide and empower you!  Chock-full of wisdom and thought-provoking exercises, this book should be required reading for every sexual being!

Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How To Get It


Rena Martine didn’t just write a powerful book, she created a new genre - Sex Betterment. The Sex You Want isn’t just about sexuality and how to have the kind of sex you’ve always wanted but about building a better life and relationship with self. This book needs to be on every nightstand, especially men's.” 

John Kim, LMFT (The Angry Therapist), author of Single. On Purpose.


"What a treasure to have a sex-positive, educationally accurate and clinically effective book for those seeking pleasure, permission and true empowerment. Rena Martine’s journey into sexual liberation is a must-read for anyone taking their first steps toward a more passionate life.

Holly Richmond, Ph.D., Certified Sex Therapist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life


"On my own path, I've found that romantic liberation is anything but linear. The good news is, that means we never stop growing. The exercises in this book generously help readers navigate the labyrinth that is attempting to live a freer, sexier, more joyful life."

Rachel Krantz, author of Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy


"Rena Martine's The Sex You Want is a revelation in the realm of self-discovery and authenticity. With a deft touch, Martine ushers readers into a world where shame is replaced by empowerment, and where embracing one's true sexual self leads to a life of fulfillment and genuine connection. This book is a compass for those seeking a more meaningful and passionate existence, and Rena Martine's wisdom shines brightly as a guiding star."

Mary Catherine McDonald, Ph.D., author of Unbroken: The Trauma Response is Never Wrong


"Martine weaves personal anecdotes and solid education to create a guidebook for anyone looking to expand their sexual horizons. The Sex You Want is the perfect book for anyone who is feeling like their sex life is missing that special something and are looking for real life, real human examples for how to take it to the next level.

Allison Moon, author of Getting It


Every woman needs to read this book. Rena’s approach to sexual healing is direct, profound, and expansive. I learned new ways to honor my sexual past that leave me feeling lighter, connected, and confidently sensual.”

Nadège, sex scholar, bestselling author, and founder of Pleasure Science


about the author

Rena Martine is a former sex crimes prosecutor turned women’s intimacy expert known for her infectious energy, refreshing candor, and straightforward approach. She’s impacted thousands of women globally as a certified coach, educator, and speaker with a mission to reclaim the term “Shameless” as a badge of honor. A native Angeleno, Rena calls Echo Park home and happily lives around the corner from her partner. When she’s not chasing her Siamese cat Chooch around, you can find her connecting with people she loves most, with a smile on her face and (sometimes!) a bourbon cocktail in her hand.

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